Friday, June 15, 2007
Opinion
06/17/07 LEFT/RIGHT: Paris envy
Paris Envy
By Eric Von Haessler
Watching the ballad of Paris Hilton play out over the past few weeks
has been a blast, no doubt. Her fairy-tale world wrecked on the hard
rocks of reality—a...
Visitors pose with a wax figure of Paris Hilton at Madame Tusssaud’s June 4 in New York City. The figure has been updated to reflect her sentence for driving with a suspended license.
CREDIT:Rob Loud/Getty Images |
Paris Envy
By Eric Von Haessler
Watching the ballad of Paris Hilton play out over the past few weeks has been a blast,
no doubt. Her fairy-tale world wrecked on the hard rocks of reality—all televised and commented upon in real time, every moment judged from
a professional peanut gallery chock-full of pundits who can’t really know why the hell they are there, or what the hell they’re really talking about.
Nothing beats a sleazy story
so compelling that the so-called mainstream news outlets feel they must cover it. They know they shouldn’t. But they can’t help themselves, so they rationalize that the story is so big now that it can’t be ignored. So it’s the story that’s the story—
not the actual sleazy story itself. Justification? You decide.
In an attempt to turn this into an “important” story, we are told by our friendly anchors, street reporters and various I-Team types that America is outraged that this little tart was given special treatment when released from jail briefly by a sheriff who said he was worried about her aggrieved mental state. To follow the nightly news narrative was to see that we were all very upset that Paris wasn’t being treated the same way we would have been treated
if we were in the same straits.
Very noble. Quite high-minded.
But is it true?
It ain’t science, but a quick glance at the habits and behavior of the average American suggests their concerns about fairness in this case are probably of a kind quite the opposite of that being spewed from our TV screens. Anecdotal evidence would point to the general public being outraged, all right. Not because Paris isn’t being treated like them, but because they’re not being treated like her. Current thinking holds that we all have a “right” to a fairy-tale life. The Good Life is not just open to you; it is, in fact, owed to you. So why not look at Paris’ behavior as perfectly sensible? After all, she really didn’t want to spend time in jail.
Who would?
Many cry foul at injustice, but nearly
all take advantage of the opportunity to get
a speeding ticket fixed. Get off your high horse, America! You’re jealous and you
know it. She’s everything you want to be.
Paris Hilton was born on home base twice. She was an heiress assured a lifetime of riches for which she never had to lift a finger. Then she inexplicably stumbled into a show-biz niche that showered her with money for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The Pet Rock of celebrities, she is paid
to remain inert and inaccessible. Her double-dip into the winning lottery allows her to live the life dreamed of by all you hypocrites who shout her down.
According to “The Secret,” a best-selling book and DVD amongst the great unwashed, all we have to do if we want money is simply visualize ourselves living in mansions. Just think about it. “Visualize it and it will happen.” You don’t have to lift a finger and you’ll be assured a lifetime of riches.
Maximum rewards, minimum responsibilities. This is what
we as a people want! This is what we’re angry about—we’re jealous! Why aren’t
we being treated like Paris? After all,
we deserve it! SP
Eric Von Haessler, formerly of the
Regular Guys, is a frequent radio
commentator in Atlanta.