Sunday, February 07, 2010
Life

Valentine’s Day cheat sheet

 

QUEEN OF HEARTS

The Valentine’s Day: Love It or Don’t-Quite-Love It theme here continues Thursday, Feb. 11 at Pacci Ristorante in the Hotel Palomar in Midtown (866 W. Peachtree St. NW. www.pacciatlanta.com), where Blane Bachelor hosts the Queen of Hearts social from 7-9 p.m. The free event includes drink specials, complimentary apps and Tarot card readings.

 

Valentine’s Day tends to divide people into two camps: those who have the urge to hug someone, and those who have the urge to dry heave. But whether you love the holiday or just love to hate it, getting through it in one piece can sometimes be more stressful than a junior high Valentine’s Day dance. Whatever camp you fall in, though, take heart: Here’s a handy cheat sheet that will arm you with everything from its interesting origins to a much better flower choice than those boring old roses.

A HISTORY LESSON

For the lovers: So who was this Saint Valentine guy, anyway? One legend says Valentine was a priest in 3rd-century Rome who performed secret marriages for young lovers, even after Emperor Claudius II outlawed them because he believed single men were better soldiers. Claudius discovered what Valentine was up to and sentenced him to death, and he supposedly fell in love with a young girl while he was imprisoned. He wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine” before he met his tragic end.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been offed for helping Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. Whatever the case, this dude was a rebel and a romantic. Awww.

For the haters: Red might symbolize love, but on Feb. 14, 1929 in Chicago, it was also the color of cold-blooded murder during a mob hit known as the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. A group of Al Capone’s cronies, dressed up as policemen, used Tommy guns to mow down seven members of a rival gang. So next time some sappy romantic starts waxing poetic about the day, you can say “Fuhggeddaboudit” and share this gory story.

AT HOME

For the lovers: Put on the Victoria’s Secret lingerie/heart-covered boxers you bought each other and play a sexy game of strip poker.

For the haters: Buy a Ouija board and summon the spirit of Saint Valentine. If you succeed, offer a sarcastic thanks for morphing a perfectly good day into an overblown waste of money. If Val doesn’t want to play, then rent “Paranormal Activity” to see what can happen when an annoying couple pisses off the wrong demon—and be glad you didn’t have any luck on the board.

GET YOUR CHOCOLATE FIX

For the lovers: You don’t have to fork over half a week’s paycheck on gourmet chocolate for your sweet-toothed sweetie, but you can get a little more creative than a Whitman’s Sampler. If you’re after some lovin’, organize a scavenger hunt with Hershey’s Kisses and naughty clues leading to the bedroom. Bonus for the extra-brave: Slather your naked self with Nutella and tell your honey to get lickin’.

For the haters: Two words: pot brownies.

HEAD OUT ON THE TOWN

For the lovers: Since Feb. 14 falls on a Sunday this year, dinner resos should be a bit easier. But instead of an overpriced prix-fixe meal, why not pick up a nice bottle of wine (don’t forget to buy it beforehand) and some sushi and roll over to the Starlight Drive-In (www.starlightdrivein.com)? You’ll get huge creativity points—and maybe even some backseat lovin’.

For the haters: Stick to dives, where you’re sure to find fellow anti-Cupid types throwing darts and shooting pool. If you want to channel your inner “Jersey Shore” drama queen/king, belly up to the bar at a romantic restaurant and flirt outrageously with the nearest hottie in front of his/her date while they’re waiting for a table.

FRETTING OVER FLOWERS

For the lovers: A dozen roses: snore. A lovely potted plant: genius. It’s a gift that: 1) lasts much longer than a few days; 2) is original; 3) is perfect for either sex at any point of the relationship. Some winning picks: an amaryllis (you’re almost guaranteed a giant, spectacular flower), an orchid (sexy as hell) or a begonia (sweet, heart-shaped leaves).

For the haters: OK, so you’re not getting or sending any bouquets. Fine. But take solace in knowing that a disturbing number of cut stems are sprayed with toxic pesticides. And is there a more vile smell than rotting flowers? SP
Blane Bachelor is an Atlanta-based freelance writer and SP’s resident romance expert. Her weekly Q&A advice column will return next Sunday. Got a dating dilemma for her to answer? Submit it at www.askabachelor.com.